Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
