dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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