Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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