just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have post one night stand depression
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
