He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
