I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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