Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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