In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so let's talk penis.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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