You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
