This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
