Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just crazy horny about you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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