There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
