dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
