loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
