I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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