well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
