So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
