god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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