We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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