I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize