in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
