Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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