I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
