my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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