This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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