it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize