Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
