Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
