The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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