The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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