you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
