ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
