Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
