pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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