...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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