I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
