You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we're so committed to being not committed
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