Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
