garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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