According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
