he thought i was a dude.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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