The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
