She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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