Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
