Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
