We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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