My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
