i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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