Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize