Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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