I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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