If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
