And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
