from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
