I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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