Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I didn't notice because vodka
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
