he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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