how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
