i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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