Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
