The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Randomize
