Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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