Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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