I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
