I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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