tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
