Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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