i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just cropdusted the office
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
