How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
