please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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